You’re running through the jungle, regretting the hard drinking and 15 minutes with the wrong local that led to you getting chased by an angry posse back towards the carrier...
“See Dick observe. See the tanks roll. See Dick observe the tanks. See Dick bracket the tanks and drop rounds directly on the hatches.”“See the tanks burn. See the crews...
You crouch down behind the lip of the dinghy, bouncing along with the rest of the boarding crew toward the target: an oil tanker that has been captured by pirates.Well,...
If only all those packs of desperate survivors in zombie movies knew about Motrin, the miracle drug that fixes everything from broken bones to bullet wounds to blisters.After all, thousands...
You’re stuck in a cave, licking condensation from the walls and eating lichen to stay alive when you finally hear the miraculous thrum that you had hoped for: chopper blades....
You were just walking the dog on what was supposed to be an uneventful morning when some eagle swooped down and lifted Fido into the air. Now you have to...
Look, it takes a special kind of hero to eschew all of the glory and all of the rewards of working hard every day and man the reserves instead, carefully...
“Visit grandpa’s farm,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. But now you have to figure out how to get the new puppy out of grandpa’s old duck pond as...
Look, it’s not Thanksgiving and there’s no turkey dinner, but you have to shove something in your mouth. Unfortunately for you, this is the military and that something is either...
There they go, a whole horde of dogs yanking along one beleaguered handler, all of them yapping loudly. At your feet, your own fur missile lets out a small, covetous...
You’re sitting outside a bar in eastern Europe, listening to a friend try to explain to the non-English-speaking bouncer that sure, you could pay a cover charge, but that only...
It’s week three of jungle school. None of the blisters can heal with you constantly rucking in wet boots, your clothes are starting to rot on your body, and all...
You’re leaned over with one cheek exposed, waiting for the dreaded pinch and the worse slow swell of pressure as the peanut butter slowly fills the muscles.Sure, the medics will...
You’re the heir to a glorious tradition, one which says that the most important step in transitioning between private and noncommissioned officer isn’t rolling up your sleeves and getting dirty...
Crouched in the deep snow, you try to use the tank as a windbreak, but the frigid hull slowly pulls the heat away, instead.Or you’re in the desert as sand...
The commander is looking at you, and you know the promotion waiver might hang in the balance. So, when he repeats the question, “who brought the liquor into the barracks?”...
Sure, all the guys at your high school reunion think your shirt is ridiculous. Truth is, they’re all just jealous that they’re not your best friend. “What about your spouse?”...
There is a service alive today who has survived hundreds of years of evolution with little change, little passion, and less logic. It lives to kill, full of mindless drinking...
The shop NCO is passed out, the officer in charge is missing, and the captain is pounding on the door, demanding answers as to why everything is broken and nothing...
It’s hard to explain what’s so great about climbing into a cramped, metal box with four other people. But you don’t have to explain it to the other guys who...
Space Force shirts are hard to come by. All the other branches have recruiting offices filled with their lousy shirts, but you don’t want their second-rate swag. You want Space...
You’re on the asteroid’s surface, sucking down stale air from your rapidly emptying air tanks with the knowledge that you have to take them out now or the space terrorists...
It’s obvious, right? Whether it’s crapping into bags, sleeping in the dirt, or carrying your entire life on your back for miles like an aspiring turtle, the infantry life is...
Sheesh, this is the last wedding you’ll attend where one of the parties was in a frat. Somehow, the groom’s prior bad life decisions have become your problem and you’re...
You’re on the deck, eyeing a fleet of enemy ships desperately trying to get into position to sink you with car-sized explosives and armor-piercing rounds when, suddenly, all around your...
Teddy Roosevelt may be the most mighty and American president ever. He pulled himself up by his bootstraps out of childhood diseases to lead the Navy and then the Rough...
Among America’s greatest warriors, it’s the best protection possible.The coveted DD-214: an unassailable shield against bullsh*t of any kind. Grab Copy 4 of your DD-214 and you can do anything....
When he asked you to come with him into port, you hadn’t expected this. Sure, the shady dive bar was standard, but when he yelled, “scram!” and you two flew...
It’s said that they exist deep in the forests and other wild places of the earth: veterans, many of them combat vets, who have no facial foliage. Their proud, naked...
It’s the almost-mythical safety selector switch setting. Most troops will get told to never use it, but will definitely try it out the first time they’re told to burn ammo...
You’re just trying to enjoy a recliner when the dog starts barking. A few soft scoldings and that stops just in time for your spouse to start running the blender.Must’ve...
The “Tridents,” Ohio-Class submarines, can stay underwater for weeks before surfacing like an angry Poseidon and leveling enemy forces with either barrages of cruise missiles or a rain of nuclear...
Is there anything better than mandatory fun days? All of your best friends in the company, plus all the peeps you only see because of the arbitrary staffing decisions from...
There you are, standing in front of your Polish grandma, surrounded by her pierogies and her homemade pamphlets on the glories of Polish restoration, and she wants to know why...
Tapped. Out.Maybe it was the joint-pounding ruck march — but it also could’ve been the STX lanes, the stress shoot, or the obstacle course.It was probably whichever event you were...
Sure, Star Wars had the Force and lightsabers or whatever. But admit it, if you could get any Star Wars assistance during a firefight, it would be calling Y-Wings on...
Oh, thank Heaven for the U.S. Army infantry. With thousands of locations worldwide, able and willing to operate any time of day, any day of the week, they’re the service...
Your stories are so special and unique, all the guys are gonna love how you regale them with your time in boot camp. Because no one had a basic training...
Although it started as a Canadian tradition, some things are just a good idea.With the war in Afghanistan going on for so long, people tend to forget we still have...
Any discussion of the AH-64 Apache is best had to the tune of a sweet rock song.After all, this is the flying tank killer. This is the attack helicopter that...
Lazily fishing in the rivers in the Ozarks that you worked so hard to defend, you feel a sudden bite on the line and realize, “Oh crap, I’m gonna have...
Yay! Go land fellows! Beat water fellows! Sure, the long-standing rivalry is a great tradition and builds esprit de corps or however you spell that, but is there a group...
The U.S. Army brought camels to the Wild West and then accidentally set them loose to wreak havoc on the countryside. It's time you talk about it with your family...
There you are, sipping down lava-hot coffee to replace the warmth you lost while swimming through the Arctic waters and shadowing Russian subs when you hear a small click behind...
He’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse: Stop trying to kill his men every time you think he’s not looking, and he won’t turn you into a warm smear...
Who’s more super? The Mad Dog Mattis, Chaos himself, or some plumber who keeps getting lost in the pipes?Jim has inspired an entire generation of warriors to greatness, reminding them...
